Madilim. Malakas ang buhos ng ulan.
Katahimikan.
"Kamusta ako bilang katrabaho?" tanong ko sa isang kasamahan.
"Okay naman, bakit?" sagot niya.
Katahimikan.
"Okay na ba kayo nung nakaalitan mo?"
Kibit balikat ang isinagot ko.
Katahimikan.
Ang awkward ng pag-uusap namin. Para kaming hindi magkakilala sa loob ng apat na taon.
Masyado kaming maingat sa aming pananalita. Hindi ako sanay.
"Ikaw, masaya ka ba ngayon?" aniya.
Tiningnan ko siya, ngumiti ako at saka yumuko.
Hindi ako nakasagot sa tanong niya. Masaya nga ba ako??
Gusto ko sanang sumagot ng 'Oo'. Sana.
Nitong mga nakaraang araw, medyo magulo ang isip ko. Tungkol lahat sa usapin ng trabaho at katrabaho.
Ang alam ko, isang katrabaho ko lang ang nakaalitan ko. Until I accidentally read a message from a DJ's phone, a message from 'that' staff describing me as "mahadera". From that very moment, naisip ko...
"Sino sa mga katrabaho ko ang totoo ang pinapakita sa akin?"
I have always been true to them.
Kapag inis ako sa kanila, pinapakita ko. Kung nag-aalala ako, pinapapakita ko.
Kung galit ako, sinasabi ko. Ayoko sa mga taong 'plastic'. Siguro nga, you cannot please everybody.
Over the weekend, I have been bothered with these things; happiness and relationship. Mapa-tungkol man sa trabaho o kaibigan. So, I finally decided to leave the company soon though I know I still have lots of things to learn. And, I am worried that my Mom will get sad. That's one main reason I've been sticking to the station despite the issues, nakikita kong masaya ang Mommy ko, kaya kaya kong magtiis basta makita ko lang siyang masaya.
I got sick for three days. While taking some rest, I took the chance to unwind and clear my mind. Wala na akong pakialam sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin. Basta ako, magtatrabaho na lang ako.
I got back to work.
"I am so back, balakubak!"
Sabi ko sa opening ng programa.
Pagkaraan ng unang adlib, tinanong ko ang kasamahan kong DJ...
"Kuya, anong nangyari kahapon?Anong balita?"
"...Uh. Wala naman, ganun pa rin naman."
Hindi ko alam, pero hindi na ako mapakali nang mga sandaling iyon. Kutob, ika nga. Marahil ay sa tono niya at sa kakaibang galaw ng mata. Ewan. "Ah, Monday nga pala kahapon. Wala masyadong ganap." pakunwaring sabi ko na lamang.
Pagkatapos ng boardwork, nagpaalam ako na pupunta ako sa Makati office para ayusin ang ilang requirements sa trabaho. Pagkabalik ko ng station, pinaakyat ako sa opisina at nag-usap kami ng boss.
Ito na yun. Pwede ko nang sabihin. At yun din ang sinabi sa akin.
What happened was more of a mutual decision. I have been planning this even before I started entering the station. Maybe, the... let's say, 'discouraging' words of my co-jocks and previous jocks who left the station contributed to my pre-planned move.
"You've got no one to trust in here."
"I have been working here three years, ganito pa rin ako."
"Mabagal ang growth, ang baba pa ng sahod."
"She was forced to leave by the bosses."
"Unfair nga e. Sila ganito, tapos si ano ganito na, pero ako ganito pa rin."
Sabi nila.
And even learning that some of the other jocks, around three or four of them, are submitting applications in other companies and/or in other fields, made me realized... "Pumapasok ako sa kumpanya na balak umalis ng mga epleyado nila."
No doubt. I left the station with a straight face. I was not sad, I was not happy. Just plain emotion.
I discussed everything with my parents. I was very careful telling things especially to Mom, but no matter how hard I try, I still felt her sadness.
I went up to my room and cried. Not for any reason, but the feeling that I made my Mom sad. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, ngayong nagtatrabaho na ako, gagawin ko lahat ng makakapagpasaya sa kanila. And I was disapppointed with myself, because of what I did.
I was hiding under my pillows, until I felt a warm hug. It was Mom. "I'll always be proud of you, no matter what", she whispered. I hugged her back and said "I'm sorry." "You shouldn't be... You just chose to be happy." she smiled.
The next day, I went back to the office and packed up my things. I bid goodbye to the senior jocks who were already there early. I wasn't able to control my emotions. I cried. It was my first heartbreak.
Life would teach us lessons and sometimes we have to learn it the unusual way. :)
I am now looking forward to the bigger, brighter and better opportunities waiting for me.
So now, I'll be very much busy again. I still need a lot of catching up to do!
Till we meet again, folks! Salute!
