Paglisan ng Kaibigan

September 24, 2011 2:21pm
God is good. Dalawang bahay na lang at sa amin na yung masusunog.
Salamat Lord! Napatay ang apoy! Di ko alam ang uunahin ko dai! Haha
Kumusta naman ang LPG outlet namin? Lol
/Kaloka

September 25, 2011 12:19pm
Good mornig Kuratong Baleleng!

September 28, 2011 11:05pm
Good is bigger than any problem. He will guide, lead and heal.
Kapit lang. I know malalampasan ko ito ulit.
Squad, good luck tomorrow, have faith.
/Goodnight

September 29, 2011 11:57am
Please include me in your prayers. Bumalik ang sakit ko.
Hirap na ako huminga. Hindi fashionable kapag may oxygen. Salamat.
Good luck COC Cheering Squad. Sayang di ako makakanood but dont worry,
my heart is with you guys. So proud sa mga magla-last dance.
/OMW home from the hospital

October 1, 2011 9:50pm
I miss you all. Keep praying for me.
Makakabawi din ako sa inyo. Salamat!

October 4, 2011 5:42pm
Superbored!!!

October 12, 2011 12:49am
Confirmed. I'm waiting for my ambulance. Rampa nanaman sa ospital. Kabog.
Basta sama niyo lang ako sa prayers para maduktungan buhay ni bakla. Keri?
Mahal na mahal ko kayo! Pag nategi ako, gusto ko may mag-Kendeng-Kendeng ha?
May price. Signing out.
/Weak bitch.

October 12, 2011 12:49am
Pota, astig talaga ang wang-wang! Gusto ko dumungaw at mag-rock on!
Lahat nakatingin. Haha.
/Kalma lang.


Ito ang mga huling text message na nareceive ko sa kaibigan ko.
Buong akala ko nabura ko lahat sila bago ko malaman ang nangyari sa kanya.

John. Yun ang tawag ko sa kanya nung enrollment pa lang namin para sa college. Joy ang tawag niya sa akin, at ipinipila niya pa ako sa enrollement noon para hindi na ako mahirapan... sumingit. Pagpasok namin sa klase, doon na siya nagpakilala sa lahat bilang si John Christian Erestain, at tawagin na lang daw namin siyang "Itchan".

Si Itchan. Bakla siya. Eh ano naman? Totoo siyang tao, kaibigan at kapatid sa aming lahat. Siya ang nagpapasaya sa buong klase namin. Mahilig siya magkwento sa iba kung ano na ang ginagawa niya. By any means, kwentuhan man, sa text o online.

Hindi ko alam kung nitong taon lang ba nagkasakit si bekla o mga late last year pa. Pneumonia daw ang tawag sa sakit niya, at matagal siyang na-confine sa ospital. Halos araw-araw niya kaming binibigyan ng update via SMS kung ano na ang lagay niya. Gumaling siya, pero hindi muna siya pwede magtrabaho. Kailangan niya ng pahinga at maintenance sa gamot.

OK na siya, sabi niya.

Ilang buwan pa at natanggap namin ang text niya na bumalik nga daw ang sakit niya.
Sa isip ko, "Okay lang si Itchan, kaya niya yan."

Kampante at tila binalewala ko ang text niya. Tiwala ako kay bekla na malalampasan niya ulit ito katulad ng unang pagkakataon dahil alam ko na matapang siya. Alam ko na lalaban siya katulad ng dati.

Madaling araw na nang makauwi ako. Ala una ng October 18, at pagod na pagod ako galing sa trabaho.Nakaidlip ko agad hanggang sa tumunog ang cellphone ko. Naalimpungatan ako, akala ko tawag galing sa trabaho. Pangalan ng kaklase ko ang lumabas, si Juni Amaba. Mas nakalma ako, nakapikit at inaantok na sinagot ang cellphone.

"Hello?"
"Bakla..."
"Bakit beks?"
"Bakla, wala na si Itchan."

Napabangon ako.

"Beks, wala namang biruan ng ganyan!"
"Totoo bakla, kapatid niya ang nagsabi sa akin..."

Nanginiginig na ako..

"Totoo ba talaga?"

Umiiyak na ako.

"Kung gusto mo, itext ko yung kapatid niya, ito yung number..."
"Hindi na...ah.. ano ba.. to.. totoo talaga? Pa.. Paano yan.."
"Patulong naman, sabihan natin classmates natin..."
"Ha.. uhh.. tawagan ko si Maje.. T.. Teka... Bakla, totoo ba ??"
"Oo beks, nagulat din ako."

Nanginginig ako. Hindi ko mai-dial ng maayos ang numbers ng mga kaklase ko. Hindi ko alam paano ko sasabihin. Hindi na ako natulog noon hanggang sa magliwanag. Diretso pasok na ako sa trabaho.

Nagpunta kami sa unang gabi ni bakla. Pagkababa ng sasakyan, nakita ko ang tarpauline sa labas ng chapel. May pangalan ni Itchan... John Christian Erestain... Born... Died... Patawid pa lang ng daan, hindi ko na napigilan ang emosyon ko.

Ang sakit-sakit.

Naikwento sa amin ng Mama ni Itchan kung ano ang mga nangyari noong huling sandali niya. May guilt feeling man ako dahil binalewala ko ang kalagayan ni Itchan sa pag-aakalang magiging okay siya, wala na akong magawa pa.

Ang Dios ay hindi nagkakamali.

Si Itchan, sa paniniwala ko'y ang misyon niya sa buhay ay pasayahin ang mga kaklase at kaibigan niya. At ngayong magkakahiwalay na kami, nagkasakit siya at saka niyakap pabalik ng Panginoon. Sabi siguro ni Lord sa kanya, "Anak, ang husay mo... Job well done."

Huling araw na ni Itchan at kailangan na siya ilibing.
Usapan ng klase na mag-suot kami ng puti at 9am ay dapat nandun na kami sa chapel para sa tribute kay Itchan.

Pagkababa ko sa LRT Santolan, habang nag-aabang ako ng jeep ay may lumapit sa akin. Dalawang tao na nakaputi rin at may dalang mga bulaklak. Mga kaklase ko, sina JV at Odette. Ito nanaman ako, hindi ko nanaman mapigilan na umiyak. Sa isip ko, totoo talaga. Naka-puti kami, may kaibigan kaming pumanaw.

Nagbigay kami ng tribute kay Itchan. Ang bilin, dapat may sumayaw dapat ng Kendeng-Kendeng nag ginawa naman ng pep squad, at ang request niya na kantahin sana ng Jesus Take The Wheel ni Carrey Hilson na kinanta ni JV, at isang AVP presentation na hinanda naman ni Ayvee. Pati na ang testimonials kung gaano siya kabait na tao at gaano siya kahalaga sa amin.

Sa harap ko nakaupo ang pamilya ni Itchan. Nang kantahin na ni JV ang Jesus Take The Wheel, nag-iyakan kami. Lumingion sa akin ang Mama ni Itchan sabay humagulgol at nanginging na sinabing, "Lagi yan kinakanta ni John..."

Nagdurugo ang puso ko, na makita ang mga magulang ni Itchan na nasasaktan. Gusto kong mas gumaan ang pakiramdam nila pero hanggang haplos lang ang naiganti ako.

Kailangan ko na umalis dahil halfday lang ako pinayagan sa trabaho. Lumapit ako sa katawan ni Itchan, tinitigan at tinandaan ko ang mukha niya. "Beks, ito na ang huling pagkakataon na makikita kita..." Dalangin ko sa Panginoon, "Lord, ikaw na bahala sa kaibigan ko. Salamat po at ipinahiram mo siya sa amin..."

Hindi nagpakita si Itchan sa amin na nahihirapan na siya. Nais niya siguro na tanging magagandang ala-ala lang ang iwan niya sa amin...  Sabi nga ng plakadong biro na ginagamit lagi ni Itchan, "Ang buhay ay hiram lamang..." Hindi natin alam kung kailan ito kukunin sa atin, kaya't hanggang nasa sa atin pa ito, ipakita natin sa mga taong mahal natin kung gaano natin sila kamahal.

Kulang pa ang haba ng blog na ito para maipahiwatig ko sa inyo gaano kasakit mawalan ng kaibigan.

...Itchan, kaibigan ko. Magpahinga ka na. Alam kong mas maligaya ka na ngayon. Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala na sa mga susunod na araw ay hindi na kita makakasama pa... Sana'y kahit papaano naparamdaman ko sa iyo kung gaano kita kamahal. Hanggang sa muli... :)

The Story of a Donkey Trapped in a Well

"Life is going to shovel dirt on you, but you have to shake it off and take a step up."

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

MORAL :

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.



Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less from people but more from God.





Career Moves... In Mysterious Ways!

Madilim. Malakas ang buhos ng ulan.

Katahimikan.

"Kamusta ako bilang katrabaho?" tanong ko sa isang kasamahan.
"Okay naman, bakit?" sagot niya.

Katahimikan.

"Okay na ba kayo nung nakaalitan mo?"
Kibit balikat ang isinagot ko.

Katahimikan.

Ang awkward ng pag-uusap namin. Para kaming hindi magkakilala sa loob ng apat na taon.
Masyado kaming maingat sa aming pananalita. Hindi ako sanay.

"Ikaw, masaya ka ba ngayon?" aniya.
Tiningnan ko siya, ngumiti ako at saka yumuko.
Hindi ako nakasagot sa tanong niya. Masaya nga ba ako??

Gusto ko sanang sumagot ng 'Oo'. Sana.

Nitong mga nakaraang araw, medyo magulo ang isip ko. Tungkol lahat sa usapin ng trabaho at katrabaho.

Ang alam ko, isang katrabaho ko lang ang nakaalitan ko. Until I accidentally read a message from a DJ's  phone, a message from 'that' staff describing me as "mahadera". From that very moment, naisip ko...
"Sino sa mga katrabaho ko ang totoo ang pinapakita sa akin?"

I have always been true to them.
Kapag inis ako sa kanila, pinapakita ko. Kung nag-aalala ako, pinapapakita ko.
Kung galit ako, sinasabi ko. Ayoko sa mga taong 'plastic'. Siguro nga, you cannot please everybody.

Over the weekend, I have been bothered with these things; happiness and relationship. Mapa-tungkol man sa trabaho o kaibigan. So, I finally decided to leave the company soon though I know I still have lots of things to learn. And, I am worried that my Mom will get sad. That's one main reason I've been sticking to the station despite the issues, nakikita kong masaya ang Mommy ko, kaya kaya kong magtiis basta makita ko lang siyang masaya.

I got sick for three days. While taking some rest, I took the chance to unwind and clear my mind. Wala na akong pakialam sa mga taong nakapaligid sa akin. Basta ako, magtatrabaho na lang ako.

I got back to work.
"I am so back, balakubak!"
Sabi ko sa opening ng programa.

Pagkaraan ng unang adlib, tinanong ko ang kasamahan kong DJ...
"Kuya, anong nangyari kahapon?Anong balita?"
"...Uh. Wala naman, ganun pa rin naman."

Hindi ko alam, pero hindi na ako mapakali nang mga sandaling iyon. Kutob, ika nga. Marahil ay sa tono niya at sa kakaibang galaw ng mata. Ewan. "Ah, Monday nga pala kahapon. Wala masyadong ganap." pakunwaring sabi ko na lamang.


Pagkatapos ng boardwork, nagpaalam ako na pupunta ako sa Makati office para ayusin ang ilang requirements sa trabaho. Pagkabalik ko ng station, pinaakyat ako sa opisina at nag-usap kami ng boss.

Ito na yun. Pwede ko nang sabihin. At yun din ang sinabi sa akin.

What happened was more of a mutual decision. I have been planning this even before I started entering the station. Maybe, the... let's say, 'discouraging' words of my co-jocks and previous jocks who left the station contributed to my pre-planned move.


"You've got no one to trust in here."
"I have been working here three years, ganito pa rin ako."
"Mabagal ang growth, ang baba pa ng sahod."
"She was forced to leave by the bosses."
"Unfair nga e. Sila ganito, tapos si ano ganito na, pero ako ganito pa rin."
Sabi nila.

And even learning that some of the other jocks, around three or four of them, are submitting applications in other companies and/or in other fields, made me realized... "Pumapasok ako sa kumpanya na balak umalis ng mga epleyado nila."


No doubt. I left the station with a straight face. I was not sad, I was not happy. Just plain emotion.

I discussed everything with my parents. I was very careful telling things especially to Mom, but no matter how hard I try, I still felt her sadness.

I went up to my room and cried. Not for any reason, but the feeling that I made my Mom sad. Sabi ko sa sarili ko, ngayong nagtatrabaho na ako, gagawin ko lahat ng makakapagpasaya sa kanila. And I was disapppointed with myself, because of what I did.

I was hiding under my pillows, until I felt a warm hug. It was Mom. "I'll always be proud of you, no matter what", she whispered. I hugged her back and said "I'm sorry." "You shouldn't be... You just chose to be happy." she smiled.

The next day, I went back to the office and packed up my things. I bid goodbye to the senior jocks who were already there early. I wasn't able to control my emotions. I cried. It was my first heartbreak.


Life would teach us lessons and sometimes we have to learn it the unusual way. :)


I am now looking forward to the bigger, brighter and better opportunities waiting for me.
So now, I'll be very much busy again. I still need a lot of catching up to do!
Till we meet again, folks! Salute!

Career Moves

I just need to let this out.

There’s something wrong with my career.

I maybe lucky enough to penetrate the media industry even before graduating college, but media is too broad. There are a lot of things you can do once you get in it. You need to choose what industry you really want to get lined with; then work hard on it to prove your worth.

What’s wrong?

Media has sub-industries in it and I want to work on two major industries: television and radio. Lucky again to be able to work on both, but not at the same time. Now that’s the problem – I want to work on it, simultaneously.

Selfish as it may seem, but I know this could be possible.

I so love my job writing for TV. There are only two things I don’t really like about it: the stress and pressure the bosses may give you (which I think is normal in every company), and a beware sign on your face for a**holes are everywhere. When I worked on TV, I was pissed with a number of co-workers so I had to describe these people in a not-so-good way. And I didn’t like it. I don’t like me having misunderstandings and describing people badly.

Then here came a new opportunity. There was a search for a new radio jock in one of the local radio stations in Metro Manila. I tried out and fortunately, they called me back. I had to adjust on new learnings and new schedule. Till came the time that I have to drop my work on TV. By sheer coincidence,   the changes in my radio scheduIe came up exactly the same on my TV sched. So I needed to weigh things that time and had to choose radio. Its because I wanted to do good on radio so I decided to give my full attention on it.

My radio career didn’t start really well.  First is the impression of the boss(es) when I tried suggesting a new name for me before airing. (While the newbie was able to choose hers with full freedom which happened earlier this day. Dude, that’s unfair!) So, I’ve been introducing the name they decided for me to people for months now which I don’t really want to get known with.  I am fooling not only the people but myself too. Next are the new tasks assigned to radio jocks, which jocks in other stations don’t normally do. (Well, I’ve been in three radio stations before this that’s why I know – Love, RT and WOW. They said, it wasn’t mandatory but we have to give updates every week. Vague.) Next, is the unusual airing schedule for me in when I had to go 1am to 5am. It only happened for a month but I enjoyed those moments so I don’t really have a big deal with it, except from losing a life. I was like sleeping the whole day. Kiddin.

Now, they gave me a new opportunity by transferring me to a primetime sched. Advantage is that I have more listeners, disadvantage is that I have less talktime and I have to do research job for the show every single day. I enjoy the company of both jocks I am with during that timeslot, it’s the research thingie I don’t really like. But, I can manage. Next are the requirements I had to process before getting paid. Well, those are necessary requirements. I just had to mention it because the boss talked to me about my Twitter post when I said “Ang daming requirements, akala mo naman kalakihan ng sweldo.” I wonder how he knew about it because he has no Twitter account and mine is in private mode. So I concluded that a staff told him about it so the boss had to talk to me saying that my listeners may see it and it doesn’t reflect any good to the company. I had to answer him back that my Twitter is a personal account under my real name. Invasion of privacy much?  He doesn’t have to worry about the listeners view on it, because it is again a private personal account. Besides, what’s wrong in stating a fact? Lol. So the next issue is that a-not-so-good-working-relationship with ‘that’ staff. I mentioned earlier that I don’t really like it when it comes to a point I have to judge a person in a bad manner. I guess a**holes are everywhere, you just have to learn to live with it.

The conclusion. I am not happy with my current job. I have plans to pursue soon, which I cannot disclose yet. Proper timing is the key!

Soon, I’ll get to juggle TV and Radio job at the same time. Soon. Soon… God bless me!